
This piece has been, thusfar, my most special work. All paintings are special, but this one in particular achieved something extraordinary.
It had been a long time since I had last painted.
It was the late winter of 2009 and I had just gone through a very diffcult surgery. For years I had experienced really bad pain around 'that time of the month' , I had felt very blue about it because I thought I was abnormally fragile and just couldnt handle normal pain. It all had gone on far too long and in 2007 things got really really bad and the pain became a daily occurance, they had found several masses on my ovary. I wont bore you with the details, but for over a year I was perscribed tylenol 3 with codene and took them like candy.
Finally in 2009 I recieved the surgery that I refer to as 'life changing' .
It was a simple procedure that only took one day. I was fortunate to get the surgery and after I woke up in recovery, my surgeon told me that it was a good thing we did it, I apparently had endometriosis so bad that it had spread to the exterior of my uterus and was growing on my abdomen. She was able to remove it along with what thankfully turned out to be endometriomas (blood clots) and fibroids.
Any major gal with the same deal will tell you that the difference between pre-op and post-op is incredible. I felt like a new person.
The painting Big Red, was created after studying Art Therapy. I felt I needed some closure on the whole event an was coming to terms with accepting the reality that I may or may not ever be able to have kids. Every reason to hope though.
The creation of the piece was a moment of what Rollo May and Paul Tillich refer to as FLOW. Every part of me came alive and every cell of me wanted to tell this story, and to close the doors .
Interlayed in the piece are hidden images that communicate all feelings during that time. Dispair over fertility, joy, hope and even the harsh brutality of the whole event.
I believe it perfectly showcases that moment in my life, I find it to be a beautiful piece born out of something very very ugly.
Love,
Rachael
p.s I would love to hear about anyone else experiencing a moment where everything came together perfectly.